i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
