4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
