what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
