So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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