dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
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I queefed so loud it echoed.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
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Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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