I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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