Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
