You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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