I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
