I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
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i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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