oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
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I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
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Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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