he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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