I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
