What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You pole danced in your parka.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
