She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
