nut hugger
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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