i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
