So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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