Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
