So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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