I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
