Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
