grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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