Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
We smell like vodka and hangover
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