A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
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