At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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