come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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