Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
