she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
