Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
