I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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