If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
