i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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