He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
