it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
