I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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