Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
