I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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