My liver just broke up with me...
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
