Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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