haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
