Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
