The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
