how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
