I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
