Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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