i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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