When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Too much gin, very little bucket
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
