I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
