oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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