I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
