I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
