How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
