you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
