i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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