I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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