I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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