Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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