Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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