Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
