Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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