what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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