So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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