Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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